One aspect of preparing for the coming Apocalypse that isn’t often considered is how man’s best friend fits in. As you would expect some dog breeds are better and some are worse in terms of zombie apocalypse preparedness. There are a number of aspects that should be considered including size, approachability, intelligence and herding instincts. Here is what to consider with these traits:
- Size – Zombies are on average 5′ 9″ for males and 5’4″ for females and they are not flexible so they cannot bend down to scratch smaller breeds. For this reason it is ideal to have a dog that is 16″ or less at shoulder. Recommended breeds are Dachshunds, Corgis, French Bulldogs.
- Approachability – To protect others from your dog if it does get infected you want one of the less approachable breeds. This will slow the spread of the virus. Breeds that are considered dangerous are good. Breeds that are hypoallergenic are breeds to avoid. Recommended breeds are American Pit Bull Terriers, Rottweilers, Cocker Spaniels, Dachshunds.
- Intelligence – Just because zombies aren’t only interested in you for your brains, a nice big juicy brain can be quite enticing to a zombie. For this reason, avoid the brainier breeds. Dumber is more betterer. Recommended breeds are Afghan Hounds, Basenjis, Bulldogs.
- Herding Instincts – Zombies often lose their footing and continue forward in a crawling motion. Dogs will be safest if they avoid the biting and scratching end of the zombie. Herding breeds are best as they will attempt to herd the undead from the flanks and hindquarters. Recommended breeds are Australian Stumpy Tail Cattle Dog, Border Collies and Corgis.
Best Breed: Pembroke Welsh Corgi – On the strength of it’s size, herding instinct and it’s ability to appear less intelligent due to its cuteness, Corgis are the ideal breed for the Zombie Apocalypse.
Worst Breed: Standard Poodle – Thanks to medium height, approachability, intelligence and lack of herding instincts, the French clown of dog breeds will not be man’s best friend in the coming apocalypse. This breed should be avoided in urban areas and non-urban areas adjacent to cemeteries.